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This year marks a ten-year milestone since the word “vanishing” hit the public consciousness. Initially, the concept that someone could instantly end communication with a romantic interest without any notice seemed like the height of disrespect. How naive we were. In the ten-year span since, finding a partner has only become more confounding – an commonly unsuccessful endeavor in embarrassment that is increasingly shaped by social media jargon.

Gen Z, a cohort who matured during a loneliness crisis, a masculinity reckoning, and a widespread assault on the freedoms of women and the queer community, faces a infinitely more complex terrain than their millennial elders could ever envision. And so their dating lexicon has grown longer and more bizarre, with terms like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” pushing the boundaries of your sanity.

The following list is a comprehensive guide to the terms gen Z is using to navigate love, sex and the search of both. To paraphrase one of the recent most enduring online sayings, by the conclusion of this guide you’ll yearn to get back to God’s country – because wherever that is, it doesn’t have “wokefishing”.

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A

Realness – For Zoomers, dating’s gold standard is presenting as your real, raw self. Good luck with that!

The Letter B

Bird theory – A online phenomenon loosely based on a framework developed by couples researchers, in which you point out something trivial – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and pay attention to whether your partner’s reaction is engaged or disinterested. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Black cat girlfriend – Gen Z’s answer to the “manic pixie dream girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but instead of having short fringe, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner puts herself first while oozing enigma and independence. (She may yet have baby bangs.)

The Letter C

Chair theory – This refers to going for someone who aids you unprompted. If you walked into a room, they would get a chair for you to take a load off.

Errand romance – A outing where two people bond while handling tasks, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how broke people in their 20s do low-cost romance in a post-cheap-date world.

Melting down – Melting down when you feel swamped by life. You can spiral over a crush or split, spilling all of your unreciprocated emotions.

D

DINK – Two incomes, no children. Once a marker of 80s yuppie affluence, it describes couples who choose against having children to prioritize their own well-being. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Emotional vibe coding – The opposite of being guarded: practicing dialogue, honesty and vulnerability.

F

Flags

• Warning signs – Behavioral habits signaling a potential partner is not right. Such as calling their exes crazy, poor tipping habits, a love of controversial director films, a nascent DJ career …
• Green flags – These traits confirm your decision to date a partner. For instance following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal screen time, owning a proper bed …
• Beige flags – These usually describe niche, largely inoffensive quirks. For instance being an keen birdwatcher, still keeping a pen in their wallet, paying rent in physical money …

Shared obsession pairing – When you connect with someone who’s just as passionate about films about the second world war or physical media hoarding or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who despises the same stuff or people that you do (few things fosters closeness faster than having a common enemy).

G

The band Geese – A band your gen Z boyfriend is into.

Zombie-ing – Someone who reappears into your life after a period of silence.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is affable, accommodating and devoted. The uncommon partner who is beloved by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's opposite.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online subculture of men so fixated with self-pleasure that they attempt marathon sessions, intentionally delaying orgasm so they can persist as long as possible.

The Letter H

Heterofatalism – A phenomenon describing many women’s increasing pessimism toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

High-value woman – An stereotype promoted by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and happily home-oriented, who seemingly has no ambitions of her own other than pleasing her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

I

Icks – Arbitrary and often mundane repulsions that immediately extinguish any sense of desire.

“He would if he cared" – Something to remember after you watch someone else get an extremely sweet act.

J

Careers – These have not been this crucial in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ideal catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd opt for partners in fields they believe are being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: healthcare workers, educators or therapists.

K

Making out – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has been around for 16m years. But the days of kissing may be numbered since some Zoomers desire fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic romance believable.

Light catfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more important than it is. Also known as {